“Let everything pass away…” - that’s what my father said before he died, 9 days after his 58th birthday.
It’s been 5 years already… time flies really fast…
When I graduated college year 2000, my parents decided to stay in the province and live a simple life… August of 2005 (my birthday month), my dad decided to visit us here in manila… sabi nya, gusto lang nya makita yung bahay, kung kamusta na kami and everything… ginawa nya lahat ng mga dati nyang ginagawa nung magkakasama pa kami… sabi nya kasi gusto nya maging maayos ang lahat bago sya umalis… all the while ang akala ko, when he said bago sya umalis, e bago sya bumalik sa province… hindi pala…
He stayed until after my birthday… lucky nga me e, kasi pinili nya na lumuwas para mag celebrate ng birthday ko… i was the papa’s girl kasi… since lahat kami girls, sabi nila ako daw ang junior ng family… pagbalik nya ng province, dun nag start ang kalbaryo nya… my mom told us na medyo may nararamdaman na sya… ayaw nila sabihin direkta kasi baka daw mag-alala kami… i could say it was really hard for my mom… wala syang mapagsabihan kung ano na ba ang lagay ng father ko…
I kept on asking my mom, how was he?… one time she answered back “sabi ng doctor, enjoy life daw… walang bawal!”.. i called my mom after reading her text and asked her the real status of my dad… i mean read between the line… WALANG BAWAL!!! she was crying on the other line and i knew that it’s not good… there was long silence on my part after my mom said “Cancer… 6 months”. On medical terms, when a patient has 6 months to live, pwede yung bumaba ng 3 months… and from August, September and October… that’s 3 months…
We had a get together nung birthday nya, hirap tanggapin kasi lagi nilang sinasabi dapat kumpleto tayo kasi huling birthday na nya yun e… when he was confined few days after his birthday, sabi ko sa mother ko… sama me sa hospital sa ayaw at sa gusto nyo… i wanted to be there for him… i wanted to stay beside him…
In the hospital my father kept on asking for water… my mom told me to be strong because those are signs that death is near… crave for water, for air… that’s the signs… i was there when he died, i was looking at him when blood came out of his mouth… when liquid comes out of you… it only means one things… he gave up… he’s gone… forever…
i didn’t cried at first, sabi ko kasi i need to be strong for my family… but guess what… guess i’m not that strong… my mom told me, “i know he’s happy coz you chose to stay on his side… he knows you love him… and that’s the important thing…
It’s been a 5 years, but i can still feel the pain…
